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I’m writing now about an epiphany about how my judgment and criticism of my husband and kids was a sincere effort to help them NOT be judged or criticized. Uh…..Gulp. Have you ever criticized a loved one in a an effort to “help” them?
Oh boy. It’s gonna get real.
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I’m charging right out of the gate here to just say, “You are making up stories in your head.”
How can I make such a claim? I’m aware of the stories because I’ve made them up myself. They think I don’t know what I’m talking about. See?
Let’s be honest, most of us are storytellers.
A conversation is happening in our head most of the day. Don Miguel Ruiz explains in The Voice of Knowledge, “We have a tendency to distort everything we perceive to make it agree with what we already believe; we “fix it” to make it agree with our lies.” (more…)
SUCCESS! GOALS! OUTCOMES! GRIT! Trendy words like these resonate with people days. “Make it happen! Dig in your heals! Show grit!” they say.
While these concepts may drive and motivate people, I can’t help wondering, Where does failure come in?
Recently a client shared that because she didn’t meet a goal she’d set for herself, she didn’t feel whole. “I don’t feel whole because I failed,” she said. An uncommon jittery demeanor surfaced and her eyes avoided mine. Normally this woman is energetic and vivacious, so her discomfort with failure obvious. (more…)
These seven words were an instant trigger when my husband said them after I’d let my hair go all nat-u-ral one morning.
For 30 years I’ve fought my naturally curly hair with straightening shampoos, gobs of hair product, and a flat iron. To say the least, I prefer anti big hair.
“That was a back-handed thing to say,” I said.
Naturally I was talking out of 30 years of non-acceptance for my DNA, and at the same time he was talking out of 30 years of speaking with metaphor rather than just saying what he really meant. (more…)
Successful people are impeccable with their words. How we speak to each other and about each other determines the quality of our relationships, and relationships are the key to success.
I learned this principle when entering a new district. One colleague befriended me quickly, and I found her to be very warm and inviting – helpful and open. On an inservice day when all faculty were gathering for beginning-of-the-year informational meetings, another colleague approached me with a disparaging “warning” from the assistant principal that I might want to “stay away” from the colleague who had previously shown me much welcome and support. From that day on, I felt distrust toward the administrator and the message deliverer, a fellow teacher, from whom my first impression was negativity toward another faculty member. I never quite got my bearings for the integrity of leadership in that district. I felt that if I was friendly and had a good relationship with the colleague, I’d be seen in the same light administration saw her, but if I didn’t follow my heart and be kind and loving, I’d be going against my own integrity of how I want to treat others. (more…)