4 Tips to Ditch the Drama on Social Media

4 Tips to Ditch the Drama on Social Media

Social media can be a breeding ground for drama, creating hurt, anger, and divisive conflict in relationships. Stephen Karpman, in his drama triangle, defines three actors in drama that breed destructive communication habits.

In the simplest form:

  • There are oppressors, or persecutors: “You idiots. You are to blame. I know more than you.”
  • There are rescuers: “Here, let me help you. I know what’s best for you.” 
  • And there are victims: “Life is hard. This isn’t fair.” (complaining or venting)

The dynamics of this triangle create relationships that develop codependency (you know what’s right for me), compliance (sure, whatever you say), or resistance (get out of my face!).

When these actors in the drama show up, problems are perpetuated instead of solved. 

To stay out of social media drama, consider these four tips: (more…)

Embrace the Suck: Uncertain Times Call for Conscious Leadership

You’ve been there––in the middle of a parenting moment and you hear words come out of your mouth that feel like you’ve hit a goldmine.

“Pain isn’t always bad. Embrace it, bud.”

Where did that come from? you wonder. I don’t know, but it was golden.

I recently struck it rich to realize (again) that pain is inevitable. It’s suffering that’s optional. (more…)

What if “Adverse Childhood Experience” doesn’t fit?

Schools have been actively engaging in the conversation about the effects of trauma in childhood, and now Oprah is informing the nation. Awareness is rising. I’m thankful.

However, the thought that keeps creeping in my mind over the past couple of months has been what about the people who don’t meet the ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experience) criteria but still feel depressed or anxious?

What happened to them? If a childhood was “normal” and needs were easily met, why are they hurting? (more…)

The Nature of Confidence

Clinging to what is good and resisting what is bad is a guaranteed rollercoaster ride.

Trying to control people or circumstances to feel secure leads to more insecurity because confidence is not an external matter. As counterintuitive as it may seem, relinquishing the need for control unveils confidence.

Consider this: (more…)

Insecurity and Confidence

“I feel badly, so something needs to change.” Feeling undesirable emotion like insecurity, fear, or anger leads to this common misunderstanding that creates havoc.

In an effort to feel better, blame surfaces. There is a problem “out there” that needs changed. It is the fault of my spouse, my kids, that system, my boss, the weather, myself…

Now there are problems to be solved and issues to be fixed. (more…)