These seven words were an instant trigger when my husband said them after I’d let my hair go all nat-u-ral one morning.
For 30 years I’ve fought my naturally curly hair with straightening shampoos, gobs of hair product, and a flat iron. To say the least, I prefer anti big hair.
“That was a back-handed thing to say,” I said.
Naturally I was talking out of 30 years of non-acceptance for my DNA, and at the same time he was talking out of 30 years of speaking with metaphor rather than just saying what he really meant.
Twelve years of these things combined is a recipe for misunderstanding in marriage.
I replied, “Why didn’t you just say that?”
To someone who has conditioned myself to oppose big hair, being popular in the 80s sounds like the worst insult!
To someone who has conditioned himself to be funny, the statement sounded like a perfect way to make a point!
Three things are at play here:
- Speak with honesty and sincerity.
The most authentic communication cannot be misconstrued. Authenticity takes practice but produces excellent communication in business and personal relationships.
- True affirmation creates humility, not puffed ego.
If sincere affirmation is spoken, one will be humbled by the words. If there is flattery involved, there will be ego involved.
- Practice self-compassion and self-acceptance.
Irritation and annoyance fall away when insecurity isn’t there with a button to be pushed. Find ways to accept those things about yourself that seems difficult to accept. Each time your button is pushed, it’s because you’ve created that button! To diminish the button, fully accept what your consider your short-comings.
For the record, I’m loving my curls…and my husband!
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