“We’re going to do what’s best for kids.” This cliché is often heard in education.

I began asking myself, “How do we know what’s best for kids?” How do I even know as a parent what’s best for my own kids? So when it struck me, I decided to add my voice to the whats-best-for-kids-bandwagon:

What’s best for kids is conscious adults.


It took no less than 30 minutes to de-escalate a fight between my two children.

First the yelling caught my attention. Two screams as a matter of fact. I peered out the window to see my daughter’s furrowed brow while she splashed my son in hot tub. He splashed her back and turned to get out.

I saw back down on the couch to continue reading my captivating David Baldacci book.

Sometimes people disagree.

The twosome soon came barreling through the back patio door, arms and legs swinging, both at the height of frustration.

I watched the scene.

We’ve been here before. Let’s see how this plays out.

Towels began swinging and snapping as the kids drip-dropped water on the kitchen floor, and then the bathroom door slammed shut.


I called the kids over, told them to dry off and get dressed, and I surveyed their moods. Usually the dark cloud moves on, but five minutes later it hadn’t. I could still see it hovering on their faces.

I pulled the 6-year-old on my lap and asked him what started the fight.

Then I called my 9-year-old to sit on the other couch facing us and asked her to share her side of the story.

You’d think a certified coach would coach her kids, but I don’t always take the time.

Most of the time I get into habitual-parenting-mode, complete with parenting voice, and I lecture, reason, or use my “authority” as the parent to get them to see it my way.

But this particular night I paused…

and coached…

and they hugged each other, laughed, told each other they loved each other (because they really do…we all do), and then I returned to my riveting book no less than 30 minutes later.

These four questions help me during professional coaching sessions to listen well.

  1. What do they want?
  2. Why do they want it?
  3. What’s getting in the way? (What perspective needs to change?)
  4. How do they plan to overcome it?

With these in mind, I checked “habitual parent mode” at the door and became a conscious presence for my kids. It takes time. It takes getting away from what we’ve always done. It doesn’t always feel like the easiest route.

And it takes looking within each other instead of at each other.

So what’s best for kids?

Conscious adults. Conscious parents, grandparents, teachers, paraprofessionals, bus drivers, administrators, secretaries, doctors, dentists, neighbors, and social media users.

Whoever comes into contact with kids can use their inherent wherewithal to think and act consciously for the benefit of our future generations.

Reflect: What does conscious interaction look like? How do you determine “what’s best for kids” personally and/or professionally?

INspired Leadership Team


Email: inspiredleadership@essdack.org

Facebook Communitywww.facebook.com/leadershipbeginswithin

Twitter: @TamaraKonrade @MikeSanders19 @RachelThalmann @tjfellers

Learn how to work with Rachel.


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