For a person conditioned to be humble, accepting praise is uncomfortable. It’s met with downward looks, fidgety hands or feet, and a quick change of subject.
I wasn’t that great. You’re just being nice.
I coach many people who cannot take a compliment. They feel discomfort, or somehow think they don’t deserve it. “Oh, it’s not me,” they’ll say. However, if something has gone wrong, they’ll be the first one to speak up and say, “It was me! ME!” (Or at least it must’ve been, right?) (more…)
Relationships require freedom to ebb and flow, and the best relationships have partners who know when being too positive will jam up the flow.
“How can being positive ruin anything?” you might be wondering.
If there’s too much positivity, without empathy, it can come across insensitive with an unwillingness to genuinely care. In the presence of empathy––according to Brene´ Brown––painful feelings don’t have a chance to survive.
“Get out of your comfort zone!” they say. “It’s where the
magic happens!” they say.
What “they” also fail to say is to expect feelings of dread, profuse sweat, loss of sleep at night, over or under prepping, and second-guess yourself…even days after you’ve penetrated those comfort zone walls.
You’ve probably gone through a time when you became preoccupied with thinking about how others are thinking about you.
When that happens, many of us don’t realize how decision-making is affected. Adaptive behaviors show up while trying to project or protect reputation, and making decisions are made through a couple of simple filters: “I’m okay” and “I’m not okay”.
Emotion is a touchy subject. It can be written off as too touchy-feely, it can get very personal, and it can create vulnerability that is uncomfortable.
The problem with underestimating emotion is that it is a significant determining factor of the behavior of colleagues, family members, and ourselves. It creates conflict we want to avoid, and behavior that brings us together.(more…)