I’m posting my last blog post from WordPress. Our company has moved over to SquareSpace and the blog feature is now up and running! To keep your subscription to receive my blogs to your inbox, head over here and enter your email.
I’m writing now about an epiphany about how my judgment and criticism of my husband and kids was a sincere effort to help them NOT be judged or criticized. Uh…..Gulp. Have you ever criticized a loved one in a an effort to “help” them?
Oh boy. It’s gonna get real.
Hope to see you on the new platform!
Email me if you need anything: email@example.com
I recently inquired with some clients about their interested to be featured in a blog. I’m thankful this creative designer said yes. Her growth has been tremendous. It’s inspiring to watch a talented person embrace the value of their talent and contribution. Imposter syndrome can be a doozy. (I’m also partial to her name.) 🙂
1. Who are you and what do you do?
My name is Rachel Knowles, and I am a creative with 15 years Graphic Design experience. My current career role is Marketing Manager for a local Southwest Kansas agricultural company.
2. What problem did you face before working in a coaching relationship?
I struggled with confidence in my work and how others viewed my contributions and my competency.
3. How did you hear about coaching?
I have a college friend who does coaches in California, and I’ve watched him share inspiring things and recommend ways to work towards bigger goals. So, he planted the seed, but I was convinced to pursue coaching when I experienced a particularly frustrating moment at work. When I started trying to figure out how to find a local coach, I asked a few people, one of them being SheStrength with Anna Woods Fitness. She specifically directed me to INspired Leadership.
4. Why did you commit to the process?
I committed to the process because I felt heard and experienced helpful feedback without being made to feel foolish. I knew I needed something to change…I needed to learn something more to help make me a better employee and person. I was given groundwork for a process (Processing Catabolic Energy) that would guide me through my internal dialogue whenever I hit a snag with work, or even my personal life. The ability to always go back to that process, and your gentle guidance as I learned, felt like the perfect fit. Some days I needed more than a gentle nudge, but it never felt like you were judging me.
5. What results did you achieve through the coaching experience?
When I take the time to work the process, I can ground myself before spiraling out of control. I have a better ability to identify the internal dialogue, emotion, cause, and response which gives me the chance to choose how to lead myself. When I take the time to lead myself, I can lead and respond better to those around me. The confidence from that, and from better understanding my value as an employee, has been the biggest benefit in working with a coach. I can trust that the work I do is good, and in turn, others see that competency as well.
6. What do you have going on that you’d like to be recognized for, that you’re proud of, or feel confident and excited about?
I won a local logo design contest for one of my favorite places: the Wright Park Zoo in Dodge City, KS. My son and I visit there often, and are excited to see the goals they are working towards to create an excellent educational space for the local community.
One of the favorite things about my job with EGE Products is getting out into the fields when equipment is running and snapping pics. When it’s time to develop new marketing materials (see brochure cover), instead of picking through stock photos, I have accurate photos pertaining to our market, and we can put a name to the driver/operator. I work for innovative folks, and I appreciate the opportunity to develop and use a variety of my skills and talents as I build our marketing program.
Reflect: External goals go hand-in-hand with internal energy. How much energy do you spend worrying about what others think?
Journal: The value I know I contribute to those around me includes…
This was originally posted in 2017, but I’ve told the story twice in the last week and decided to resurrect it for such a time as this.
For the last year we’ve been dog owners, and every night, whoever is the last one upstairs puts the dog in his kennel for the night. Every time my daughter puts him to bed, she comes downstairs to her own bed feeling badly.
“Aw…Zip looked so sad,” she laments, “his tail stopped wagging and he looked at me with big sad eyes.”
“How do you know he’s sad, babe? Maybe he’s relieved to be going to bed?”
“No, he’s sad,” she assures me, “I can tell by the way he walks in and lays down and looks at me.”
My daughter and I have very different views of bedtime. I love an evening routine and an early bedtime hour. I get to unwind, embrace the completion of a day well spent, and cozy up to the warmth radiating from my husband next to me.
My daughter doesn’t like to go to bed. She doesn’t like the dark, doesn’t fall asleep quickly, and doesn’t want to sleep alone.
So when we take our dog to his bed each night, I think I’m doing him a favor…and my daughter thinks she’s hurting his feelings.
So what’s going on here?
If someone gave me a comfy, dark and quiet place as respite for the day, I’m happy….so I see our dog as happy. If someone gave my daughter the same, she feels sad…so she sees our dog as sad.
So is the dog sad, or is he happy? What is the truth?
This is what my 8-year-daughter asked me to which I replied, “I guess we’ll have to ask the dog.”
Clearly, it depends on who you ask.
How you and I frame the world – what we believe, value, how we see ourselves and how we think the world works – is what we project onto the world.
We see things as we are.
If we hold a belief of brokenness and a need for fixing or saving, the world will start putting forth people or circumstances that appear to need fixed or saved.
If there’s an underlying belief that worth is attached to performance, then the world will look full of others who are succeeding exceptionally well.
If it’s about injustice, lo and behold the world will spit out offenders before our eyes.
The brain is designed to focus in on whatever it’s looking for, so becoming aware of inner thoughts and perceptions, and focusing on the facts, helps uncover the truth there.
People often recognize and call out things in others and in circumstances that they are ourselves, whether it’s the truth or not.
If projecting our inner state onto our pets happens, think about what we may be projecting onto our children, parents. Onto our students, teachers. Onto our employees, bosses. Onto our neighbors, friends.
When awareness becomes everyday practice we can get out of our own way and…
See things with new eyes
Ask neutral and powerful questions to understand
Get a clearer picture of what’s true
Up for a challenge? For a designated time, pay attention to what you see and talk about. Listen for your filter. What keeps coming up?
Why am I pointing this out?
What about this matters to me?
Where am I projecting what I believe instead of being open to what really is?
Awareness has the power to change our wellbeing, and the more well we each become, the more the collective world heals for our children, students, co-workers, and friends.
Reflect: What emotion do you see in the picture of the dog?
If you could use a boost for the start of 2021 (or if you just enjoy contemplating reflective questions), please enjoy this gift! Use it for your own personal reflection, or ask friends or colleagues to join in.
I’m thankful you continue to stay connected, read, and share this blog with others. Here’s to an intentional January 2021!
Social media can be a breeding ground for drama, creating hurt, anger, and divisive conflict in relationships. Stephen Karpman, in his drama triangle, defines three actors in drama that breed destructive communication habits.
In the simplest form:
There are oppressors, or persecutors: “You idiots. You are to blame. I know more than you.”
There are rescuers: “Here, let me help you. I know what’s best for you.”
And there are victims: “Life is hard. This isn’t fair.” (complaining or venting)
The dynamics of this triangle create relationships that develop codependency (you know what’s right for me), compliance (sure, whatever you say), or resistance (get out of my face!).
When these actors in the drama show up, problems are perpetuated instead of solved.
To stay out of social media drama, consider these four tips: (more…)
After 18 years, my sister-in-law walked out of her drug-testing-athletes career forever. She along with others were terminated. No sports. No job.
Although she’s been jobless for three months, her attitude and outlook have been remarkable.
It donned on me that with a practical plan and action steps, a person doesn’t have to be a victim of their circumstances.
I’m veering away from my typical blogs posts to share this example of being “at the effect of life” but choosing not to set up camp there. Tension and stress are rising in the world, and feeling strapped for money adds to it. Here are three practical ways to use straps––the ole bootstraps––to move forward. (more…)