Social media can be a breeding ground for drama, creating hurt, anger, and divisive conflict in relationships. Stephen Karpman, in his drama triangle, defines three actors in drama that breed destructive communication habits.
In the simplest form:
There are oppressors, or persecutors: “You idiots. You are to blame. I know more than you.”
There are rescuers: “Here, let me help you. I know what’s best for you.”
And there are victims: “Life is hard. This isn’t fair.” (complaining or venting)
The dynamics of this triangle create relationships that develop codependency (you know what’s right for me), compliance (sure, whatever you say), or resistance (get out of my face!).
When these actors in the drama show up, problems are perpetuated instead of solved.
To stay out of social media drama, consider these four tips: (more…)
From 1967-1974, one of the highest ranking officers in the Navy, Admiral John Stockdale, was taken captive and held prisoner during the Vietnam War. During his solitary confinement, among other things, he endured torture over twenty times.
Stockdale found a way to balance the reality of his situation by turning his pain into purpose. He shared with interviewer, Jim Collins, that not only did he not lose faith he would get out, but he planned to turn his time as a prisoner of war as the defining time of his life.
And even more, he wanted to, in retrospect, not trade the experience.
When you imagine looking back to 2020 in five years, have you framed this year as one of value? (more…)
For the last 12 years I’ve been dying my hair to cover up the gray that began to introduce itself when I was 30. Three to four times a year, I’d drop an average of a hundred bucks a visit to keep these natural roots hidden. So roughly over the last twelve years I figured I’ve spent about $5,000 on this service.
When the country shut down in March, I abruptly quit dying my hair, and after three months in, I wished I’d have done it twelve years sooner.
After 18 years, my sister-in-law walked out of her drug-testing-athletes career forever. She along with others were terminated. No sports. No job.
Although she’s been jobless for three months, her attitude and outlook have been remarkable.
It donned on me that with a practical plan and action steps, a person doesn’t have to be a victim of their circumstances.
I’m veering away from my typical blogs posts to share this example of being “at the effect of life” but choosing not to set up camp there. Tension and stress are rising in the world, and feeling strapped for money adds to it. Here are three practical ways to use straps––the ole bootstraps––to move forward. (more…)
I saw a post that resonated that I haven’t been able to shake: “The World is Changing and I’m on the Transition Team.”
I feel a calling to add energy into the world that is not laced with fear, contempt, or anxiousness. Do I feel those things? Yes. And I also feel gratitude, hope, and a desire to grow deeper in love and wisdom than ever, and I want to contribute energy in those ways.(more…)
I’ve been working with people who feel guarded. They don’t want to let down their walls because it feels too vulnerable, and let’s face it, it’s a given that most of us like protection from rejection and discomfort.
But I wonder, what is the cost?
Recently I accompanied my colleague to provide training to an organization of about 40. In the five years I’ve been part of our team, I haven’t been in the front of a room. I’m quite comfortable at the back of the room, behind my computer writing, or coaching one-on-one.
During the training, employees participate in an activity in which they fill in the blank, “I’m not (blank) enough,” and write it on a card. They come face-to-face with a limiting belief. (more…)