3 Crucial Steps for Increasing Empathy

You can’t fake compassion.

I mean, you can, but people feel it when you do. Disingenuous concern comes across as canned.

If meaningful connection and communication are to happen, empathy and compassion have to be real. “Me” and “You” become “We” and “Us”.

In his book Mindsight, Dr Siegel states that “feeling felt” is essential early in life as children gain insight into the vast inner sea inside them, but throughout life we continue to need such connections for a sense of vitality and wellbeing.

Vitality and wellbeing come with deep connections.

In a deeply divisive world today, bringing human beings closer to one another is vital.

There are crucial steps to increasing empathy. (more…)

Why you need an On-Going Romance

Begin an office romance! Start a love affair! Set your passion in motion!

Woah, wait. What?

Google tells me that romance is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. So, yes, I want to begin an office romance. And while I’m at, I’m going to begin a home, wellness center, grocery store, bank and traffic romance, too.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Voice of Knowledge, says, “How do you know when you’ve mastered love? When the story you tell is an on-going romance.”

At some point it seems romance for life begins to fade somewhere between paying utility bills and heath insurance premiums. It can fade after too many political debates, a mind-numbing television show (or five), or being disappointed in the image in your mirror. (more…)

You Don’t Know What “They’re” Thinking – So Stop Thinking You Do!

I’m charging right out of the gate here to just say, “You are making up stories in your head.”

How can I make such a claim? I’m aware of the stories because I’ve made them up myself. They think I don’t know what I’m talking about. See?

Let’s be honest, most of us are storytellers.

A conversation is happening in our head most of the day. Don Miguel Ruiz explains in The Voice of Knowledge, “We have a tendency to distort everything we perceive to make it agree with what we already believe; we “fix it” to make it agree with our lies.” (more…)

4 Steps to Reconcile a Strained Relationship

No matter whom I’ve coached, there is always one constant: at some point we talk about a relationship.

This makes sense – we’re wired for connection. So when a connection feels strained with a colleague, spouse, child, parent, or friend, it can hold our attention hostage, leaving less space to engage elsewhere.

When you find yourself a part of strained relationship, consider four steps to reconnect and repair it going forward: (more…)

Stay Awake! 3 Ways to Transform Pain into Power

My blood pressure was 144 over 95. I felt anxious. I have a knack for appearing composed, but my heart always rats me out.

I was in and out of outpatient care in 90 minutes for a three-minute procedure that required fasting the day before. Only clear liquids for 24 hours and then nothing the morning of. Fasting aided in mental preparation for the experience because I planned to opt out of anesthesia.

I wanted to be fully conscious.

(more…)

5 Tips to Increase Resilience and Well-being

Peace, calm, well-being, joy. These resilient states of being often get drowned out by one single state of being: BUSY. Busy bodies. Busy minds. Busy lives. Busy busy busy.

As Brian McGill plainly puts it:

Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax.

Here are five tips to increase resilience and wellbeing:

1. Ask yourself, “What do I really want as a result of this workload?”

Chances are what you really want isn’t actually attached to a project or outcome. It probably has to do with an internal feeling like peace, worthiness, or a sense of accomplishment. Aligning to what you really want will help put your choices, and your workload, into perspective. (more…)

3x State Championship Football Coach’s Message: Love the Journey

Brandon once told me that his fight and competitive drive finally brought the arrival of what he’d wanted for most of his life: success in the form of a 6A State Championship. But as he stood on the field under Friday night lights, Coach Clark redefined “success” because the moment he’d worked toward for so long…felt empty. Coincidently Brandon’s shift of loving the journey instead of just the outcome created more success for himself, his team, his staff, and his family.

RT: Who is Brandon Clark?

BC: I’m a husband and father to three children. I grew up in Valley Center and went to Kansas State University and played football underneath the legendary Bill Snyder. I bounced around a few NFL mini camps until I took my first teaching job at Derby High School. I was an assistant coach for three years have been the head football coach for 11 years.

We’ve made it to the State 6A semi finals 7 out of the 11 years.  We’ve won three 6A state championships in the last four years.  But I’m not coaching for state championships. (more…)

3 Ways to Tell if Someone is Avoiding the Truth

 We all have moments when we discover we’ve been tolerating something. If consciously faced head-on, energy would increase reducing the need to cope. But the truth is, most of us settle with coping in many areas of life.

According to Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, in his book Mindsight, patterns emerge as defenses that help us adapt to overwhelming situations. These defenses are the result of anxiety or fear and have a lessening affect. “Coping is useful and essential in life,” says Dr. Siegel.

In my experience, there is also another reason defenses are used: a deeper core truth has yet to be accepted or faced. This is when coping is not helpful, but hurtful. (more…)